Vulnerability

My verse this week is 2 Corinthians 10:5 and I think it's very fitting.
It says "And we take captive every thought and make it obedient to Christ."

Jesus, there's been so much on my mind that I'm having to sort through each one and make it obedient to you. It's the first day of the semester and I'm already overwhelmed, not just with school. And it seems ridiculous because I can handle this. I really can. But I start to panic a little now and then.
And here's the conclusion I've just come to:

I've been made to grow up strong. I've been made to be the responsible one. I've been made to be the one who can handle whatever comes my way.
So sometimes I don't know how to REALLY feel because I had to block things out, or put up walls, when I was growing up. I was made to mature faster because of the circumstances in my life.
When something or someone starts to break down my walls, I get panicked. Because it's not safe. I'm not safe.
And that needs to change. I need to be vulnerable now and then. I need a healthy balance of emotions.
And the reality of the situation is that I CAN overcome all of this. In the long run, this isn't that overwhelming. But in the moment, sometimes I need to be broken down to see that I literally can't do it on my own and I need you to take control. I need to be humbled time and time again to realize that your plans for me are better than my own. That you want to take my struggles so that I don't always have to be strong.

So I think at this point, the thoughts that I take captive and bring to you to be made obedient need to be completely honest and vulnerable.

Keep me immune to anything that isn't your will.