Absolute Obedience

There's a lot of things I love about following Jesus. But my favorite is probably being obedient, for a number of reasons actually.
I love that when I say an emphatic "YES!" to Jesus, He always blesses me. And when He blesses me, it's always a reminder that I'm doing the right thing. I know I'm heading down the right path.
When I see Him bless me or pull things together for my good, it clicks with me that this is what I should be always doing. I should always be obedient to Him because trying to do it on my own just isn't an option. I might think it is at the time but it sure as heck isn't an option. My life never turns out like I want it to and it always ends up in some kind of twisted, shambled mess. When I finally let go and surrender, He honors that.
And I don't always put 'two and two' together right in the moment. It can take anywhere from a few hours after the event to a month later for me to realize that Jesus blessed me because I said 'Yes' to Him. Because I was obedient to what He called me to do. That feeling of realization that comes with that? You can't compare it to anything. It's incredible, finally realizing that 1. You DON'T have to do it on your own anymore. 2. His grace IS enough. And 3. He ALWAYS honors our obedience.
So why don't we do it in the first place? Because we get cocky. We think after a while that we don't necessarily need to surrender everything to Him. That we can do it because we seem to be treading water nicely in the moment. And then something goes wrong. And that's when we are humbled again and we come back to the point of surrender.
Jesus doesn't intend for surrender to be a 'one and done' type of deal. He intends for us to surrender ourselves over and over and over and over again. Until we're blue in the face. Until the cows come home. Until pigs fly. I think you catch my drift.
My point is that you don't have to have a plan when you surrender. You just have to have enough faith that when you do surrender, God will lead you into a better unknown then you had planned yourself. And He'll bless you along the way. He'll tie things together in ways you can't even imagine. I literally cannot fathom how great and powerful and all-knowing my King is.
And you know what? That's okay. We don't have to be able to fathom it. We just have to be able to rest in it, enjoy it, and continue surrendering.
At least that's my plan!

Who are you?

Do you know your worth?
I didn't used to understand what that fully meant. And so I didn't know my worth. Not for a long time.
I let other people and things define it. Mostly people.
That small void, that small gap that cries out to be loved....screamed inside of me day after day. I tried to fill it. I really did.
Nothing seemed to work.
Sometimes it would seem that I was heading in the right direction and then I would fall off the beaten path once more and forget my worth. I would forget how much my Father loved me. How I AM His child. And I AM an heir to the throne.
It wasn't until just recently that I redefined my worth once more. I need a constant reminder of what I mean to my King. That nobody and nothing should define me. That only He can fill that void.
If I'm going to let worldly things and people try to fill His place, then I've got a problem bigger than myself.
I AM the King's Daughter.
I WILL NOT be shaken.
I AM beautiful and unique.
And I WILL NOT be told otherwise.
Because my Father LOVES ME.

I hope you find some encouragement in this and this is a reminder that you cannot be shaken. That you are loved beyond measure and you are an heir to the throne of the Universe. Do not forget that.

"Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight."
1 Peter 3:4 NIV

Live Life...Unconditionally.

The more I grow up, the more I realize that I want to do bigger and better and more efficient and more meaningful things with my life.
I want to REALLY live.
You may hear people say that all the time. And everyone has different meanings of "really living".
But what does it mean to you?
To me, it means:
Riding a bike on the streets of Paris.
Visiting small towns in Africa.
Paying for someone behind me in the drive-thru.
Giving a stranger a hug just because they deserve it.
Taking a midnight walk around Florence.
Riding in a hot air balloon.
Visiting my World Vision and Compassion kids in their countries.
Sleeping outside under the stars during the summer.
Eating far too much European gelato.
Taking my small group girls on adventures where they can love Jesus unconditionally and show Jesus to the world just by being them.
Playing soccer with little kids and bringing them joy because I did so.
Getting in the car and driving for hours to nowhere in particular.
Raising money for a better cause than myself.
Seeing the Nutcracker in New York City.
Riding a trolley. Heck, riding a train.
Going on a Destiny Rescue mission trip.
Being real. Being authentic.
Tipping largely at a restaurant.
Getting a spontaneous tattoo.
Smiling at people.
Taking pictures of the world and showing its beauty in the right light.
Being bold.
Doing outreaches just because you want to show that Jesus is love.
Sitting in Starbucks for hours on end just reading and blogging.
Not being normal.
Taking a road trip just to see a concert.
Doing anything I can to be the hands and feet of Jesus.
And doing things that make an impact on the world.
I want to start a movement.
A "Let's Live And Really Live And Really Live for Jesus" movement.
Something where we all of these things happen, but with an underlying meaning. The underlying meaning that we are love. And that God loves this world.
So why can't we ride bikes on the streets of Paris and love people?
Why can't we tip far too largely?
Why should we stay silent?
Why should we stay normal?
Some people would say it's because of money or because we need to face reality. That we don't have the funds or the ability to 'live life'. That we need to get our heads out of the clouds and stay within our limits of normality.
I say that's ridiculous.
We serve a God who provides. And provides big things. So why can't he provide ways for us to live life if we're living life for him?
Let's be our own person.
Let's do things.
Let's fight the good fight.
Get up. Get out. Live large.
Let's get our lives started.
Let's show them why we do what we do. Why Jesus is our who our hearts long for. Why we're called to be bold.
Let's be a changed generation and make a dent in this world.
Let's show them what we've got and how we can REALLY LIVE.
Because trust me....we can.

Awakened

Trust me, this won't be one of those cliche "reason for the season" Christmas posts.
But it will be one where I try to speak some of the truth that I've been discovering into the lives of whoever reads this.

Before I start, let me give a little background information on the dynamics of my family.
My parents got divorced when I was 3. My mom married shortly after that (probably about a year and a half later) to the dad of two of my best friends. My dad waited a little bit longer to get married. About 11 years later, he married my stepmom and they've been together and happy ever since.
With such large and crazy families, Christmas time is always like trying to run through an obstacle course with weights on.
It lasts for a VERY long time and can get VERY exhausting.
However, we always seem to make it work even though Christmas is practically a week-long event around here.

Every year growing up, I waited and WAITED for Christmas to get here. It was my favorite time of year and it brought my families together in ways that brought back old memories. There were nights that I couldn't sleep because of my anticipation for Christmas and the gifts that so desperately called out to be opened. My siblings and I would camp out in each others' rooms and sleep fitfully through the long night. When Christmas morning came, we could hardly stand it. The day had finally come. However, once it was over we found ourselves deeply saddened because we had to wait a whole year to meet Christmas face to face again.

Skip forward to about when my dad got married. People always say that the first year of marriage is the hardest one.
I had no idea what they really meant until I had to live that out.
To me, Christmas was different that year. There were new people. New traditions. And it just wasn't the same. It wasn't what I was used to. I found myself becoming angry and selfish. Not about the amount of gifts I received or what type of gifts they were (although I still contained the same joy that I did when I was a kid about Christmas).
No I found myself becoming angry and selfish with what I thought was the end of my consistent family dynamic. The one I had grown up with. It didn't seem fair to me. Nothing was the same.
I had a discussion with someone the other day about choosing what it is in your life that you would go back and redo if you could.
I don't have a doubt in my mind that I would go back and redo that first Christmas. Absolutely.
That has always laid heavily on my heart and, Dad, if you ever read this, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry that I didn't make that Christmas easy for any of us. I was selfish and upset and stupid.

Since that year, Christmases have never been better. I have grown up so much since then and I have realized that I was an idiot.
Which brings me to this year's Christmas.
I have told everyone that if someone told me that Christmas had to be skipped this year, I would not be hurt or offended at all. This past year has been long and emotionally and mentally exhausting. Two siblings' weddings, graduating from one era of my life and starting a new and fairly intense one, stepping up to new manager positions at work, jetting off to Paris and London for two weeks, and packing every day of every week of the whole year full to the brim with things to do has brought about far more stress than it was worth.
And then to realize that I had one paycheck to pay for everyone's Christmas this year because I didn't plan ahead?
Whew. Get me out.
As the holidays rapidly approached this year, I felt more and more stressed and less and less in the holiday spirit. What was wrong with me?

I didn't realize until today....the 24th of December....Christmas with my Mom and stepdad.
I was focused too much on the "surfacy" stuff and not as much on the "real" stuff. I was focused on making sure that everyone was happy with what they got for Christmas and how different everything was going to be with two married siblings that I almost (keyword: ALMOST) missed the whole meaning of Christmas.
Now, I know you think I'm going to say that the meaning of Christmas is that Jesus was born into this sinful world for us and we should be thankful.
And that is all exactly true and accurate and I believe that.
But this Christmas that's not what I learned.
This Christmas I learned that my family is where my heart is. They are the ones that will bluntly tell me that I screwed up, but at the end of the day they'll tell me that they love me.
I've never felt more loved than I have in this past year.
It just took me 18 years to grow up and get past my own selfishness and stupid emotions and become awakened.
And after all the crazy struggles and wins and ups and downs from this past year, my family is the one I always came running to.

So this Christmas if you remember anything, remember that no matter how crazy your family may seem or how screwed up they may seem, God blessed you with them for a reason. And at the end of the day, they are your best friends. And they love you unconditionally.
So be willing to simplify your Christmas this year to let others simply live. Because in the end we don't need gifts or material things to be happy.
We just need Jesus, our families, and a good cup of coffee.
Merry Christmas, you guys.

Overwhelming Peace

Jesus.
Hosanna.
Father.
Dad.

I'm panicking. I shouldn't, but I am. My mind feels heavy with the weight of stress lately. Too many things happening. Too often I take on the stress of other people and normally that's a problem. But I feel that the majority of this stress is my own.
Don't get me wrong; my life is great.
I'm just overwhelmed.  I don't even know what I'm really trying to say here. I just know that I need you to hear me. And I need you to give me overwhelming peace. And let me know that you hear me.

I love you.
Mold me to be like you.
Like Jesus.

Be Okay With Simple.

Jesus has been teaching me more than I ever thought he would. And He's teaching me fast.
As I'm assuming you can tell, I have this passion for Jesus and the things that He wants to do with my life. I want to follow Him no matter what.
I get stuck in this rut where I think that I can't be used to further God's Kingdom unless I'm doing something physical or I have a title.
That is absolutely false.
God is using me right now in the situations that I'm in to further His Kingdom.
Why?
Because the trials I go through now will be a testimonial point for me to help someone else later.
I'll be able to say "Hey, that's exactly what I went through and this is how Jesus got me through it."
I'm being used daily whether I know it or not.

He's also teaching me that my ministry right this second can be things like this blog. It's not a Jesus conference and it's not World Vision either.
It's just simply telling my story through the Internet so people all around the world can hear.
This is my voice.
And when God tells me to move, I will move.
But for right now, this is what He has me doing.
And we've got to realize that our ministry doesn't need to be a big 'to-do'. It can be small, simple everyday things. We've just got to grab hold of that and run with it. Pursue it. Bring glory to Him through everything.

Jesus, use me.
Open my eyes to see what you have for me.
Keep me immune to anything that isn't your will.

The Stages

Today, I found out some seemingly terrible news.
My sister is moving.
My married sister is moving.
Away from me.
And I won't have the privilege of seeing her whenever I darn well please.

Reality?
I should be happy for her.
Joyful. That her husband was granted a wonderful job up in one of their favorite cities.
They aren't moving that far away. Just a couple hours.

Honestly?
I feel abandoned. Not purposly by her or anyone.
But I feel like everyone close to me and everyone who knows me so well is being taken from me.
It started a year and a half ago.
First it was my youth pastor.
Then it was my small group leader.
Then it was my other small group leader.
Then it was one of my absolute closet friends, two weeks ago.
Now it's my sister.

Fact of the matter?
God is trying to teach me something and He has been for a while.
I thought I got it the first couple times it happened.
Obviously, I didn't.

Lessons being learned?
Lean into Him. No matter what the situation or how hard it seems, lean into Him and He will provide comfort and rest.
Don't get comfortable. We were not made to be comfortable. We were made to be ready and willing to take on anything that is thrown our way because we know that we have a God who is big enough.
True comfort is not found in people. God is our true comforter and His people are just the messengers.

The Plan?
I am penning in cold hard font that I will trust in You, God, no matter what happens here. No matter who moves away or is taken out of my life. You are steadfast and you are my stronghold.
You know what you're doing and you HAVE a plan for my life. Your timing is always perfect.
I will not be swayed from the mission you have given me.
I will continue to be a follower of you no matter what the cost.
Sun. Stand. STILL.
I will BE. BOLD.

Like. Jesus.

Fake Tattoos

I've started doing this thing within the past 5 weeks where I choose one verse every week to memorize and write it on my arm as a reminder. Not only does it look like a fake tatt, but it also helps me remember the promises of the Father and it is a great conversation starter with people. I can't tell you the amount of people who have asked about it because they thought it was a tattoo or they were just curious.
At first, I just told people that it was just a "reminder". But lately, I've started telling people, boldly, that it's how I remember the Word. And it's helping me not to be ashamed. I love it.
So this week I've decided to go with Ephesians 3:18 which says:
" And may you have the power to understand, as all God's people should, how wide, how long, how high and how deep his love is."
Simple yet profound.
And He's teaching me so much through this process. I'm learning to memorize Scripture more easily and it's coming to use in my daily life. I see it show up.
I heard yesterday at church that we need to remember the good times with God when we have the bad times with God. And that is so true. Sometimes as Christians, we can feel the storm about to hit. And honestly, we need to brace ourselves because too often we go into the storm and forget that we will come out on the other side, better than we were before. We forget the greatness of our God and how He can overcome this storm.
We think that it's all up to us to not drown and it's not.
On a completely separate note, Jesus likes to think that He's funny. For example, I was absolutely stressing over my life and how things were going to come together for the best. Trying to control it like I usually do.
I open my Bible to Romans where I left off and the header of the chapter was 'Developing Patience'.
Of course.
He's really been driving that into me lately....to have patience because He WILL bring it all together for the best. We just need to trust that He really knows what He's doing and that He has our best in mind.
But gosh dang it, it's so hard.

Just remember:
Be bold.
Be kind.
Be love.
Be Jesus.

Like Jesus

I've tried so many blogs and so many journals and nothing has seemed to get off the ground. I always end up missing the mark. And I've realized that writing about my day isn't what I'm interested in. In five years, I don't want to look back and see what I did on the first Monday in September or what I did the day after Labor Day.
I realized that my posts and my entries haven't mattered enough for me to be persistant because I haven't written about anything that I'm passionate about.
But I've discovered what I'm passionate about.
More importantly, I've discovered who I'm passionate about.
His name is Jesus.
And I have more to say about him than any silly diary entry.

Something resonated with me at church today....it wasn't the music and it wasn't the prayer.
It was the statement about how important it is to know when you were welcomed into the family of God. How that day is even more important than our wedding day or some other special day. And too often we forget.
It got me thinking.
Jesus officially welcomed me to his family on February 13th of 2010.
He brought me to the Vineyard. Brought me to a church retreat. And met me there. And whispered truth to my heart.
From that point on, I was never the same. I will never be the same.
Jesus took my heart by storm and showed me hidden gifts and talents that I was able to use to further his Kingdom.
He took my fears and turned them into hopes.
That missionary I never ever wanted to be?
That's now a deep desire of my heart.
Those middle schoolers I never thought I would be good at helping lead?
They are now sophomores in high school and I love them more than they could ever know.
Over the past two and a half years, He has taken my heart and molded it to be more like His.
Two and a half years ago, dropping everything for Christ was the last thing I wanted to do. It was a fear.
Now, I would throw everything away to follow Him.
I only want to follow Him.
I'm not saying I'm perfect. There's no way. I'm not even close.
But I am saying that Jesus has resurrected my heart and is continuing to make it more like His.
He took a stale heart and made it beautiful.
And this is only a portion of what He has done.
He is my passion.
He is my desire.
And I only want to be more like Jesus.