But it will be one where I try to speak some of the truth that I've been discovering into the lives of whoever reads this.
Before I start, let me give a little background information on the dynamics of my family.
My parents got divorced when I was 3. My mom married shortly after that (probably about a year and a half later) to the dad of two of my best friends. My dad waited a little bit longer to get married. About 11 years later, he married my stepmom and they've been together and happy ever since.
With such large and crazy families, Christmas time is always like trying to run through an obstacle course with weights on.
It lasts for a VERY long time and can get VERY exhausting.
However, we always seem to make it work even though Christmas is practically a week-long event around here.
Every year growing up, I waited and WAITED for Christmas to get here. It was my favorite time of year and it brought my families together in ways that brought back old memories. There were nights that I couldn't sleep because of my anticipation for Christmas and the gifts that so desperately called out to be opened. My siblings and I would camp out in each others' rooms and sleep fitfully through the long night. When Christmas morning came, we could hardly stand it. The day had finally come. However, once it was over we found ourselves deeply saddened because we had to wait a whole year to meet Christmas face to face again.
Skip forward to about when my dad got married. People always say that the first year of marriage is the hardest one.
I had no idea what they really meant until I had to live that out.
To me, Christmas was different that year. There were new people. New traditions. And it just wasn't the same. It wasn't what I was used to. I found myself becoming angry and selfish. Not about the amount of gifts I received or what type of gifts they were (although I still contained the same joy that I did when I was a kid about Christmas).
No I found myself becoming angry and selfish with what I thought was the end of my consistent family dynamic. The one I had grown up with. It didn't seem fair to me. Nothing was the same.
I had a discussion with someone the other day about choosing what it is in your life that you would go back and redo if you could.
I don't have a doubt in my mind that I would go back and redo that first Christmas. Absolutely.
That has always laid heavily on my heart and, Dad, if you ever read this, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry that I didn't make that Christmas easy for any of us. I was selfish and upset and stupid.
Since that year, Christmases have never been better. I have grown up so much since then and I have realized that I was an idiot.
Which brings me to this year's Christmas.
I have told everyone that if someone told me that Christmas had to be skipped this year, I would not be hurt or offended at all. This past year has been long and emotionally and mentally exhausting. Two siblings' weddings, graduating from one era of my life and starting a new and fairly intense one, stepping up to new manager positions at work, jetting off to Paris and London for two weeks, and packing every day of every week of the whole year full to the brim with things to do has brought about far more stress than it was worth.
And then to realize that I had one paycheck to pay for everyone's Christmas this year because I didn't plan ahead?
Whew. Get me out.
As the holidays rapidly approached this year, I felt more and more stressed and less and less in the holiday spirit. What was wrong with me?
I didn't realize until today....the 24th of December....Christmas with my Mom and stepdad.
I was focused too much on the "surfacy" stuff and not as much on the "real" stuff. I was focused on making sure that everyone was happy with what they got for Christmas and how different everything was going to be with two married siblings that I almost (keyword: ALMOST) missed the whole meaning of Christmas.
Now, I know you think I'm going to say that the meaning of Christmas is that Jesus was born into this sinful world for us and we should be thankful.
And that is all exactly true and accurate and I believe that.
But this Christmas that's not what I learned.
This Christmas I learned that my family is where my heart is. They are the ones that will bluntly tell me that I screwed up, but at the end of the day they'll tell me that they love me.
I've never felt more loved than I have in this past year.
It just took me 18 years to grow up and get past my own selfishness and stupid emotions and become awakened.
And after all the crazy struggles and wins and ups and downs from this past year, my family is the one I always came running to.
So this Christmas if you remember anything, remember that no matter how crazy your family may seem or how screwed up they may seem, God blessed you with them for a reason. And at the end of the day, they are your best friends. And they love you unconditionally.
So be willing to simplify your Christmas this year to let others simply live. Because in the end we don't need gifts or material things to be happy.
We just need Jesus, our families, and a good cup of coffee.
Merry Christmas, you guys.
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