The Spirit is alive and the Spirit is moving. Satan has tried to keep me from writing this post in more ways than one, but if I know anything, it's that this post needs to be written.
Over the past 8 months, Jesus has shattered my heart, in a good way. About six months ago, my good friend, Kristan, started what she likes to call "the Bigger Movement." It's asking God to be so much bigger in your own life than you can even imagine and just trusting that it will happen. Asking God to be bigger in a way that changes everything. In a way that we would lay down everything in our lives so much faster than we would before just to run after Him.
I began to ask Jesus to be bigger in my life, not really thinking anything would happen. But as I began to ask and seek and draw nearer to Him, He did become bigger in my life. And so did the Holy Spirit. Lately, I think we as Christians have forgotten the importance of the Holy Spirit. We forget that the Spirit is the same yesterday, today, and forever. That the Spirit that healed people in Paul's day and age through Paul is still the Spirit that is alive and active today. So why don't we believe that? I've only recently retrained my brain to realize the significance of the Spirit and what He is doing in our own lives today. I know something big is coming and I see it happening already.
I've just recently gotten involved in the best small group I've ever been in. For years, I cried to Jesus, asking Him what I was doing wrong and why could I not find friends that just loved me for me and cared about who I was and didn't care about the crap in my past? Where were they? It was about 2 months ago that I came to my first house group and today I'm on the leadership team with 5 of the best people I could ever think of to do life with. They create a contagious community that I want to be in and that I feel safe in. I feel as if I could tell these people anything about my life and there would not be one single judgemental stare shown or word said. This group of young adults has shattered my view of what it looks like to love Jesus and built it back up in a completely new and even stronger and fiercer way. I've never loved Jesus as much as I've loved Him these past couple months. I believe the Spirit is the same today that it was when Paul was alive. And I believe that we still have the power to heal through the Holy Spirit and through us being heirs to the throne of our Father. I've learned to ask "What is Father doing?" when I feel confused and I've felt content to wait and seek an answer.
I told someone today that I am such a planner in everything that I do so for me to get to a place in my life where I can finally say "Okay, Jesus, whatever you have for me I'm game for" is purely incredible. I've never felt more confident that Jesus has such a bigger and better plan for me than I could ever have for myself. So why did I try for the longest time to convince myself that my way was better? He has in the past tried to quietly prod me and tell me that His way is better and easier and greater and bigger, but I never heard Him. Or at least I never listened. I was always convinced that I knew what I was doing and HE didn't. And some of that just came from the way I grew up: Way too independent for my own good.
Kristan always told me that when she reached this place in her life of understanding Jesus and the Holy Spirit and His plans on a deeper level, the first thing she said was "Why didn't anybody tell me it could be like this?" And I never really understood that. I always got goosebumps and wanted to reach that place in my life, but I never quite got it.
But now I can honestly say "Why didn't anybody tell me it could be like this?"
I can't even quite articulate to you quite how my life has changed. It's just something that comes with pursuing Jesus so much that it will wreck your whole life (in good ways and hard ways). I'm ready to drop everything, LITERALLY everything to love Jesus and to show people who Jesus is and how they can feel like this.
But I CAN say with such a soft heart at this point in time that if there's anything that I know now, it is that I don't have a single clue who I'm to be dating right now, who I will marry, what my job will look like in four years or even just next year, where I will be living after college, or anything about my life......and I'm completely okay with that. I'm at total peace with my place in life. TOTAL and complete peace.
I feel revival coming in the hearts of young people and I see the Holy Spirit gearing up to do some crazy, crazy stuff.
Holy Spirit come. Invade. Be bigger.
Use us.
And come back soon, Jesus.
We need you.
"And this is my prayer that your love may abound more and more, with knowledge and all discernment, so that you may approve what is excellent, and so be pure and blameless for the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of Jesus Christ, to the glory and praise of God."
Philippian 1:9-11
Thursday, July 4, 2013
Monday, January 14, 2013
Dare to say YES.
I really should be studying right now. This seems to happen a lot where I start to study and then Jesus just captures my heart and I can't do anything but speak about it.
But lately, Jesus has really been invading my heart in a big way. I see the way He's been moving in my life in the past 3 years and how He's been tying that together for my good.
All of those times I thought my life sucked and I wasn't sure how I was going to get through it, I see now that He ultimately had a bigger plan.
For the past two years, He gave me the opportunity to work with someone I loved, doing something I loved. Now, He has gifted me the chance to do it permanantly. Two years ago, I thought I was just doing something I enjoyed. Today, I see that He was preparing my heart to take on that responsibility completely.
I see that He has been strengthening my spiritual muscles constantly. Three years ago, He let me go through something where I just wanted to give up. I thought I would never be the same from it. But I started to get better and come out stronger on the other side. About three weeks ago, I headed down that same path again, but He caught me before I fell again. I cried out to Him once more, asking why this kind of thing keeps happening to me. And He answered clearly that these situations He alowed me to walk through were ultimately preparing me for this other responsibility that I loved so dearly. He was preparing me to do work for His kingdom. So that I can speak truth and life into other people that start to struggle with the same things I did.
Sometimes I don't understand how our God can possibly work our lives out so wonderfully and have them connect so evenly. But then things like this happen and I see it all laid out and I'm amazed by His faithfulness. I'm amazed by his grace and his love and his mercy and I know that He loves seeing me happy. I know that when we rejoice, He rejoices with us. He loves gifting us and honoring us.
And all of this happened because I dared to say YES to Jesus.
But lately, Jesus has really been invading my heart in a big way. I see the way He's been moving in my life in the past 3 years and how He's been tying that together for my good.
All of those times I thought my life sucked and I wasn't sure how I was going to get through it, I see now that He ultimately had a bigger plan.
For the past two years, He gave me the opportunity to work with someone I loved, doing something I loved. Now, He has gifted me the chance to do it permanantly. Two years ago, I thought I was just doing something I enjoyed. Today, I see that He was preparing my heart to take on that responsibility completely.
I see that He has been strengthening my spiritual muscles constantly. Three years ago, He let me go through something where I just wanted to give up. I thought I would never be the same from it. But I started to get better and come out stronger on the other side. About three weeks ago, I headed down that same path again, but He caught me before I fell again. I cried out to Him once more, asking why this kind of thing keeps happening to me. And He answered clearly that these situations He alowed me to walk through were ultimately preparing me for this other responsibility that I loved so dearly. He was preparing me to do work for His kingdom. So that I can speak truth and life into other people that start to struggle with the same things I did.
Sometimes I don't understand how our God can possibly work our lives out so wonderfully and have them connect so evenly. But then things like this happen and I see it all laid out and I'm amazed by His faithfulness. I'm amazed by his grace and his love and his mercy and I know that He loves seeing me happy. I know that when we rejoice, He rejoices with us. He loves gifting us and honoring us.
And all of this happened because I dared to say YES to Jesus.
Monday, January 7, 2013
Vulnerability
My verse this week is 2 Corinthians 10:5 and I think it's very fitting.
It says "And we take captive every thought and make it obedient to Christ."
Jesus, there's been so much on my mind that I'm having to sort through each one and make it obedient to you. It's the first day of the semester and I'm already overwhelmed, not just with school. And it seems ridiculous because I can handle this. I really can. But I start to panic a little now and then.
And here's the conclusion I've just come to:
I've been made to grow up strong. I've been made to be the responsible one. I've been made to be the one who can handle whatever comes my way.
So sometimes I don't know how to REALLY feel because I had to block things out, or put up walls, when I was growing up. I was made to mature faster because of the circumstances in my life.
When something or someone starts to break down my walls, I get panicked. Because it's not safe. I'm not safe.
And that needs to change. I need to be vulnerable now and then. I need a healthy balance of emotions.
And the reality of the situation is that I CAN overcome all of this. In the long run, this isn't that overwhelming. But in the moment, sometimes I need to be broken down to see that I literally can't do it on my own and I need you to take control. I need to be humbled time and time again to realize that your plans for me are better than my own. That you want to take my struggles so that I don't always have to be strong.
So I think at this point, the thoughts that I take captive and bring to you to be made obedient need to be completely honest and vulnerable.
Keep me immune to anything that isn't your will.
It says "And we take captive every thought and make it obedient to Christ."
Jesus, there's been so much on my mind that I'm having to sort through each one and make it obedient to you. It's the first day of the semester and I'm already overwhelmed, not just with school. And it seems ridiculous because I can handle this. I really can. But I start to panic a little now and then.
And here's the conclusion I've just come to:
I've been made to grow up strong. I've been made to be the responsible one. I've been made to be the one who can handle whatever comes my way.
So sometimes I don't know how to REALLY feel because I had to block things out, or put up walls, when I was growing up. I was made to mature faster because of the circumstances in my life.
When something or someone starts to break down my walls, I get panicked. Because it's not safe. I'm not safe.
And that needs to change. I need to be vulnerable now and then. I need a healthy balance of emotions.
And the reality of the situation is that I CAN overcome all of this. In the long run, this isn't that overwhelming. But in the moment, sometimes I need to be broken down to see that I literally can't do it on my own and I need you to take control. I need to be humbled time and time again to realize that your plans for me are better than my own. That you want to take my struggles so that I don't always have to be strong.
So I think at this point, the thoughts that I take captive and bring to you to be made obedient need to be completely honest and vulnerable.
Keep me immune to anything that isn't your will.
Saturday, January 5, 2013
Learning Experiences
If we're being honest, I really should be sleeping right now considering I must wake up in 7.5 hours. But then again my sleep pattern has been disrupted one too many times since I've been sick so I'm not concerned.
I have learned far more these past two weeks of Christmas break then I ever thought was possible. Jesus has showed up in the good and the bad and all of it has been for his glory. There's almost too much that has happened to summarize in one post and I should've been keeping this updated, but my busy schedule has gotten the best of me. And come to think of it, some of the things that I've learned this week, I still want to keep close to the vest for a while and I'm not ready for the whole world to know everything yet. It's still between me and Jesus at this point.
But generally over the past two weeks I have learned:
-God doesn't do anything accidentally.
-The mistakes we make are always learning experiences.
-If we didn't make mistakes, we wouldn't grow.
-Confrontation is hard but worth it in the end.
-Confrontation can and should be said in love.
-When we delight ourselves in the Lord, He gives us the desires of our hearts.
-When we obey Him, he honors that.
What I AM learning:
-Patience is not just a small part of being a follower of Jesus....it's the majority of being a follower of Jesus and it will be worth it in the end.
-God has a plan for my life...the BEST actually.
-God will work all things together for my good even if I seemingly screw them up in the moment.
-A lot of the desires of our hearts are the ones that we keep buried the deepest because we're afraid of losing them or screwing them up. The ones we aren't as thrilled about are the ones that we tend to tell the world.
-God is using me right where I am.
-I need to finish what I've started and God will continue to lead me once I do that.
These are just some examples of what's been going on in my head and the results of the meetings I've been having with God over the past two weeks. He's really creating a big work in me and I intend to be a fully different person by this time next year. Something big is coming and I know that God has me playing a large role in that as well.
So excited to see what God is coming with this year.
Be Love. Be Jesus.
I have learned far more these past two weeks of Christmas break then I ever thought was possible. Jesus has showed up in the good and the bad and all of it has been for his glory. There's almost too much that has happened to summarize in one post and I should've been keeping this updated, but my busy schedule has gotten the best of me. And come to think of it, some of the things that I've learned this week, I still want to keep close to the vest for a while and I'm not ready for the whole world to know everything yet. It's still between me and Jesus at this point.
But generally over the past two weeks I have learned:
-God doesn't do anything accidentally.
-The mistakes we make are always learning experiences.
-If we didn't make mistakes, we wouldn't grow.
-Confrontation is hard but worth it in the end.
-Confrontation can and should be said in love.
-When we delight ourselves in the Lord, He gives us the desires of our hearts.
-When we obey Him, he honors that.
What I AM learning:
-Patience is not just a small part of being a follower of Jesus....it's the majority of being a follower of Jesus and it will be worth it in the end.
-God has a plan for my life...the BEST actually.
-God will work all things together for my good even if I seemingly screw them up in the moment.
-A lot of the desires of our hearts are the ones that we keep buried the deepest because we're afraid of losing them or screwing them up. The ones we aren't as thrilled about are the ones that we tend to tell the world.
-God is using me right where I am.
-I need to finish what I've started and God will continue to lead me once I do that.
These are just some examples of what's been going on in my head and the results of the meetings I've been having with God over the past two weeks. He's really creating a big work in me and I intend to be a fully different person by this time next year. Something big is coming and I know that God has me playing a large role in that as well.
So excited to see what God is coming with this year.
Be Love. Be Jesus.
Wednesday, January 2, 2013
Terrified
Jesus.
I thought I was totally okay with this. I was confident. I was convinced that it would be great no matter what.
Now I'm scared. I'm terrified, Jesus, and it isn't even certain yet.
You know my heart. You know I'm willing to whatever it takes to follow you and I'm willing to go wherever and do whatever.
But just know that if that's what you're calling me to, then I'm terrified.
I won't lie.
I'm scared to death.
But I know that you can do immeasureably more with this than I could ever imagine.
And I don't want to be scared of the unknown or what might be.
Jesus, I need you to help the part of me that doesn't believe that it will be okay.
You know me. You know that I don't do gray areas. I'm very "black and white". Jesus, I need you to speak clear truth into what you're calling me toward.
Because I will drop everything for whatever it is. You know that. No matter how scared I am, I will do it for you.
I thought I was totally okay with this. I was confident. I was convinced that it would be great no matter what.
Now I'm scared. I'm terrified, Jesus, and it isn't even certain yet.
You know my heart. You know I'm willing to whatever it takes to follow you and I'm willing to go wherever and do whatever.
But just know that if that's what you're calling me to, then I'm terrified.
I won't lie.
I'm scared to death.
But I know that you can do immeasureably more with this than I could ever imagine.
And I don't want to be scared of the unknown or what might be.
Jesus, I need you to help the part of me that doesn't believe that it will be okay.
You know me. You know that I don't do gray areas. I'm very "black and white". Jesus, I need you to speak clear truth into what you're calling me toward.
Because I will drop everything for whatever it is. You know that. No matter how scared I am, I will do it for you.
Sunday, December 30, 2012
Absolute Obedience
There's a lot of things I love about following Jesus. But my favorite is probably being obedient, for a number of reasons actually.
I love that when I say an emphatic "YES!" to Jesus, He always blesses me. And when He blesses me, it's always a reminder that I'm doing the right thing. I know I'm heading down the right path.
When I see Him bless me or pull things together for my good, it clicks with me that this is what I should be always doing. I should always be obedient to Him because trying to do it on my own just isn't an option. I might think it is at the time but it sure as heck isn't an option. My life never turns out like I want it to and it always ends up in some kind of twisted, shambled mess. When I finally let go and surrender, He honors that.
And I don't always put 'two and two' together right in the moment. It can take anywhere from a few hours after the event to a month later for me to realize that Jesus blessed me because I said 'Yes' to Him. Because I was obedient to what He called me to do. That feeling of realization that comes with that? You can't compare it to anything. It's incredible, finally realizing that 1. You DON'T have to do it on your own anymore. 2. His grace IS enough. And 3. He ALWAYS honors our obedience.
So why don't we do it in the first place? Because we get cocky. We think after a while that we don't necessarily need to surrender everything to Him. That we can do it because we seem to be treading water nicely in the moment. And then something goes wrong. And that's when we are humbled again and we come back to the point of surrender.
Jesus doesn't intend for surrender to be a 'one and done' type of deal. He intends for us to surrender ourselves over and over and over and over again. Until we're blue in the face. Until the cows come home. Until pigs fly. I think you catch my drift.
My point is that you don't have to have a plan when you surrender. You just have to have enough faith that when you do surrender, God will lead you into a better unknown then you had planned yourself. And He'll bless you along the way. He'll tie things together in ways you can't even imagine. I literally cannot fathom how great and powerful and all-knowing my King is.
And you know what? That's okay. We don't have to be able to fathom it. We just have to be able to rest in it, enjoy it, and continue surrendering.
At least that's my plan!
I love that when I say an emphatic "YES!" to Jesus, He always blesses me. And when He blesses me, it's always a reminder that I'm doing the right thing. I know I'm heading down the right path.
When I see Him bless me or pull things together for my good, it clicks with me that this is what I should be always doing. I should always be obedient to Him because trying to do it on my own just isn't an option. I might think it is at the time but it sure as heck isn't an option. My life never turns out like I want it to and it always ends up in some kind of twisted, shambled mess. When I finally let go and surrender, He honors that.
And I don't always put 'two and two' together right in the moment. It can take anywhere from a few hours after the event to a month later for me to realize that Jesus blessed me because I said 'Yes' to Him. Because I was obedient to what He called me to do. That feeling of realization that comes with that? You can't compare it to anything. It's incredible, finally realizing that 1. You DON'T have to do it on your own anymore. 2. His grace IS enough. And 3. He ALWAYS honors our obedience.
So why don't we do it in the first place? Because we get cocky. We think after a while that we don't necessarily need to surrender everything to Him. That we can do it because we seem to be treading water nicely in the moment. And then something goes wrong. And that's when we are humbled again and we come back to the point of surrender.
Jesus doesn't intend for surrender to be a 'one and done' type of deal. He intends for us to surrender ourselves over and over and over and over again. Until we're blue in the face. Until the cows come home. Until pigs fly. I think you catch my drift.
My point is that you don't have to have a plan when you surrender. You just have to have enough faith that when you do surrender, God will lead you into a better unknown then you had planned yourself. And He'll bless you along the way. He'll tie things together in ways you can't even imagine. I literally cannot fathom how great and powerful and all-knowing my King is.
And you know what? That's okay. We don't have to be able to fathom it. We just have to be able to rest in it, enjoy it, and continue surrendering.
At least that's my plan!
Friday, December 28, 2012
Who are you?
Do you know your worth?
I didn't used to understand what that fully meant. And so I didn't know my worth. Not for a long time.
I let other people and things define it. Mostly people.
That small void, that small gap that cries out to be loved....screamed inside of me day after day. I tried to fill it. I really did.
Nothing seemed to work.
Sometimes it would seem that I was heading in the right direction and then I would fall off the beaten path once more and forget my worth. I would forget how much my Father loved me. How I AM His child. And I AM an heir to the throne.
It wasn't until just recently that I redefined my worth once more. I need a constant reminder of what I mean to my King. That nobody and nothing should define me. That only He can fill that void.
If I'm going to let worldly things and people try to fill His place, then I've got a problem bigger than myself.
I AM the King's Daughter.
I WILL NOT be shaken.
I AM beautiful and unique.
And I WILL NOT be told otherwise.
Because my Father LOVES ME.
I hope you find some encouragement in this and this is a reminder that you cannot be shaken. That you are loved beyond measure and you are an heir to the throne of the Universe. Do not forget that.
"Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight."
1 Peter 3:4 NIV
I didn't used to understand what that fully meant. And so I didn't know my worth. Not for a long time.
I let other people and things define it. Mostly people.
That small void, that small gap that cries out to be loved....screamed inside of me day after day. I tried to fill it. I really did.
Nothing seemed to work.
Sometimes it would seem that I was heading in the right direction and then I would fall off the beaten path once more and forget my worth. I would forget how much my Father loved me. How I AM His child. And I AM an heir to the throne.
It wasn't until just recently that I redefined my worth once more. I need a constant reminder of what I mean to my King. That nobody and nothing should define me. That only He can fill that void.
If I'm going to let worldly things and people try to fill His place, then I've got a problem bigger than myself.
I AM the King's Daughter.
I WILL NOT be shaken.
I AM beautiful and unique.
And I WILL NOT be told otherwise.
Because my Father LOVES ME.
I hope you find some encouragement in this and this is a reminder that you cannot be shaken. That you are loved beyond measure and you are an heir to the throne of the Universe. Do not forget that.
"Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight."
1 Peter 3:4 NIV
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